Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
