I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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