my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
