ugly people sure do ruin things
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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