My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
