so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
