Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
it's like heaven, but drunker
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
