Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
