You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
