Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
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