I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
