Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
