i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize