I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
