And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
