Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
