just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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