did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
