I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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