dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
