that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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