I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
