even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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