Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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