I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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