i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
