why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
