You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
