I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
