I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
someone owes me an orgasm
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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