Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
