So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
is it fun? or sober?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
