Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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