i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you traded sex for a burrito?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
