Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
