he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
