I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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