She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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