I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
