I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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