we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize