I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
