your thong is hanging out like whoa
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize