Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
