I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
