meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
