he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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