ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize