his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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