batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Your penis caused this!
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