and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
