I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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