If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
