I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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