Yo dont text me then not text me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize