left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize