I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
