Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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