apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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