I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Randomize