Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
