this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
