I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
