i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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