he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize