I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
