so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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