Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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