When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
