I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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