Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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