I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
