I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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