Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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