Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
