rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
