He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Of course I have a pirate flag
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
