True but thats because hes a fetus.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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