I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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