I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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