I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
