1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
