So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
