I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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