He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
