You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
