My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
