i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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