He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
