I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
