I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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