so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
