please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
